One of the struggles for me this year has been becoming a step mom. Not because I don’t love my step son or because I put my son’s need before his, or anything crazy like that. But mostly because I care too much! As moms we tend to go a little overboard. I know this to be true because my mother is the prime example. I love her to Heaven and back again, but she can do the most. But that’s not knocking her. It’s in a mother’s nature to do that.
For myself I am overly invested my kids. I am always looking for ways to add more to their lives and give them things that Coke nor myself ever had. I tend to reach for the stars and try to obtain everything in the blink of an eye. But that doesn’t work with step parenting! Truth be told that doesn’t work with parenting our biological kids either.
After interviewing my good friend Relle, I came to grips with the reality of my input as a step-mom. The first thing I had to do was realize that Chubbs has a pretty amazing mom already. We might differ some in how we do things, but all and all we want the same outcome for our children. I couldn’t have asked to be joined up with a better mom/dad duo. The problem is I came on the scene thinking that I was going to change the world with Chubbs.
Now let’s not get it twisted. There are some things that I feel like I would do differently than the way they do them. There are things that I do differently than the way they do them with Camden. But is it my role to tell them that? I started to become the friend that is always giving you advice on how you should parent your child and how you not doing it right. Instead of being that person that is there to just support you along the way regardless of which way you decide to go.
This isn’t the easiest thing either. Oh, its super hard. I want to add my two cents in every decision that is made. But I had to learn that not everything needs to involve me. My mindset has shifted to a place where I don’t need to fill a gap because there isn’t one. For so long I have wanted a man to enter my life that could help fill the void for Camden that I thought I needed to do the same thing for Chubbs. Totally, not the case. Chubbs isn’t missing a thing. He has two parents that love him and two step parents that love their spouses and respect their decisions as parents.
This doesn’t mean that I don’t have a voice in the group either. I had to learn that even though I am taking a backseat, I can still be a contributing member of the team. But this doesn’t make me the deciding factor. I offer my opinion to my husband and help to make sure that he sees things from all sides, but I do not get to make the decision. When I really decided to take a step back I was able to see something that really blew my mind and helped me to have a more peaceful home and marriage. I was able to understand that, honestly I am not a step-mom. I am a bonus parent.