It’s no news to everyone that I have been struggling with being a bonus mom to Chubbs. Not because I can’t handle it or because I feel like I can’t do it. But just the all around feeling of trying to find my place.
Being a bonus mom or step mom can feel very overwhelming. I mean you have to learn to understand the child and build a relationship with them. But also set guidelines and make sure there is a level of respect also. I have had a huge struggle with the respect part. I am the disciplinary in our home. So naturally Chubbs tries to stand his ground with me. Basically test the limits.
The issue isn’t that he is doing this. I didn’t/don’t expect nothing less from him. I mean he’s a child that has more than 3 people telling him what to do at any given time. The issue for me is having Corey back me in what I say. The whole thing with co-parenting is getting the kids to see that you are a united front. They have to see that you both back each other. Otherwise they will play you against the other. And that was happening in our house.
I thought that Chubbs just flat out hated me. It felt like since I was “The Bad Guy” of the two parents, he just couldn’t get with me, which in turn caused him to disrespect me. Corey and I have been doing pretty well with having each other’s back, but this week was a hard time for us. We just didn’t click and I felt like “Wow thanks for getting Chubbs and ours relationship back to square one hun!”
I don’t have the luxury of taking the easy route in my case. Because there has been some disrespect over the years, I first have to get Chubbs to respect me and then work on the relationship. If he doesn’t respect me he will never be able to have the relationship that we both need to move forward.
During all the ups and downs, I was just getting by. Taking each week as they come and doing what I needed to get the job done. Well one day I was sitting on the couch and feeding Cru when Chubbs walks up to me and says “I love you Erica”. I was just so shocked. He had never said that before. And even though things aren’t perfect, I knew that in that moment he must have really felt that he could put stock in me and that on some level he really does care about me.
Being a bonus mom is hard as hell! But when I tell you it has its upside, I mean it!